Coping Mechanisms

I have a post before this one on how wonderful our Christmas was this year, but it's so terrible how I always procrastinate on writing about the good things and not the bad. It's because writing this blog is a coping mechanism for me. This is why writing when I'm frustrated comes so much easier than when I'm happy. When all is good, I just enjoy the moment and I don't feel the need to record it.

So my therapist gave me a few coping mechanisms to help me with I am under a lot of stress, it's funny because I did most of these things when I was younger, but for whatever reasons, I don't do them anymore.

I'm starting to again. I used to journal when I was younger and of course, there was always more frustrating moments than positive ones. This blogging is really helping me. It helps not only to write my own blog, but also read others. I found a few great one, but my favorite by far is Raising Smart Girls. Casey is very resourceful, intelligent, and a fabulous writer. Besides all that, it seems like she is reading my mind because most of what she says is exactly how I feel about being a mother, both the rewards and internal struggles. She is just a lot more eloquent than I am with her words. Blogging is also helping me over come being so self conscious about my writing. I know I'm have a lot of spelling and grammar error and it seems to take a while for my point to get across, but as my therapist said, no one really cares. They might at the moment they are reading it, but who cares. This is for me! I'm sorry if my writing frustrates you, but it's okay, you get the gist of it.

Raising Smart Girls has tremedously helped me. Both with resources and my state of mind. Casey has given a lot of wonderful suggestions that I'm currently using and plan on using. She also makes me feel normal again, because all my thoughts about motherhood is shared by many others. It's just not something most mothers openly share.

My therapist also suggest dancing to loud music and singing at the top of my lungs. I remember doing both of these things when I was younger. When I used to be extremely stressed out in high school, I remember closing all the windows, turning my stereo up as loud as I could bare it, singing and dancing until whatever was bothering me would go away. Why don't I do that anymore? I should, my daughter would probably enjoy it. I wouldn't turn the stereo up as loud as I used to because it would bother both me and my daughter.

The breathing that she suggested to do is really helping. Taking deep breathes so that I fill my whole body. Also counting my inhalation and exhalation so that I focus on the breathing and not letting my brain wander. I usually do it when I'm putting Faith to sleep. It's usually so stressful for me because she goes to sleep so late, but that's part of my doing and choosing. She only sleeps 10 hours. If she went down early, she would wake up earlier. I'm not a morning person! Don't know how I woke up early to teach all those years. Faith usually sleep at between 10-11 pm. I know it's late, but I can't function before 8 am.

Since all the parties from the holidays and excitement from having Auntie home, she has been sleeping even later than that. Also she has been in our bed so I have to lay with her until she is completely asleep before I can sneak away. Auntie left back to Japan, but Faith is still in our bed because she is still teething. I swear, teething bothers her for months before an actual tooth comes out. She has been screaming in the middle of the night for the last few nights. This means sleep deprivation for me. This is also the reason for my impatience with her today. Besides having a difficult time sleep at night, Faith is also extremely clingy during the day. The best way to describe it is like having a leech on you. I know that is a terrible description, but it's true. She has to either be sitting next to me or held by me or walking with me where ever I go. Yes, even to the bathroom! I love her to death, but I also feeling like she is suffocating me. I know it will pass, she always goes through this cycle when she is not feeling well and when I'm not feeling well. It's so bad, since we are both sensitive, we feed off each other, in positive and negative ways. Thank goodness we only have two more molars to go.

My husband is so wonderful and he is going to sleep with Faith tonight so that I can have a night of restful sleep. I've sent him into her room so that he can get adequate rest for work. Tonight it's my turn. I'm also going to try the TempurPedic pillow husband got me for Christmas. Beside sleeping with her tonight, he got a bath ready for me after I put Faith to bed, with candles and the heater going in case the bathroom was too cold. I was too stressed to put Faith to bed because she does pick up on my mood which usually aggravates the situation. Daddy had to carry her and walk her around for a bit. She feel asleep almost right away on his shoulder because he was a lot more relaxed than I was tonight. It's wonderful how only one of us is frustrated with her at time. This way we are able to calm each other down. Usually it's daddy calming me down. He doesn't get worked up by much. Thank goodness for that. He is an incredible man! Faith and I are extremely lucky girls.