Need to get back on Track

I'm blogging again, you know what that means, we've had a rough month. The good thing this time is that I am aware of most of the catalyst for it:

1. Traveling- We went to Lake Tahoe with five other families. It was a great trip, but I'm sure it was overwhelming being surrounded by so many people all the time. The great thing was that Faith was very self-aware the whole trip and would carve out quiet time for herself in our room. When it got to noisy or she just needed a break from everyone, she simply asked to have "quiet time" in her room. We brought her V-Reader, with the Toy Story Game, her Toy Story figures, her Magna Tiles, and of course, TEDDY! Can you guess what her obsession is at the moment? It's been non stop Toy Story everything since we got to watch the sneak preview of Toy Story 3 at Pixar. Thanks again, Uncle Sean!
After the four day weekend trip to Tahoe, we had two days break before we were off to Kauai for a wedding. Generally, she loves travel and is a great traveler, however, she caught a bug on our last day in Tahoe, and had a fever that didn't break until the morning we woke up for Hawaii. That meant a rough start to our Hawaiian vacation. The time difference in Hawaii didn't help our already extremely late bed time. She didn't sleep until 10pm Hawaiian time, which is 1am our time. We're still trying to adjust back. It's been almost a month now. Last night she went to be at 11:30pm, sounds late, huh? But, that's progress for us.

2. Illness- Like I mentioned in number 1, she got sick. It's never pleasant when Faith is sick. She has difficulties falling asleep and then staying asleep. Generally when she is sick we have to drive her to put her to bed. She is so uncomfortable that there is nothing we can do to settle her down. Music doesn't work. She doesn't like to be touch, let alone caress when she trying to sleep. Having daddy walk her around on his shoulder doesn't work anymore. She would wake up constantly throughout the night because she can't breathe. All the interrupted sleep disrupts our schedule so she and I are sleeping throughout the day.

3. Bye Bye Binky- Probably not a smart move on our part, but the opportunity arise and we had to run with it. Trust me, I've been very tempted to return it her. So, we've been preparing her for months that the Binky Fairy is going to come soon and that she is going to take away all of Faith's binkies and in return give her a cool present. Yup, we have to bribe our daughter. Things like loosing them, giving them to the babies, or cutting the binkie (making it ineffective) doesn't work on our child because she will just tell you to go to the store and purchase more. We walked her through the whole process with the Binky Fairy and told her that the Binky Fairy thought she was ready since she is a big girl now. We told her stories about our experiences with the Binky Fairy. We even practice how the process when work. She pretended to suck on her binky, the Binky Fairy comes takes the binky, and then gives her a gift. We played this game every day for many weeks. We always told her that she had some say over when she was ready. We wanted her to feel like she has some control over the situation. She also got to request a specific gift from the Binky Fairy. Faith wanted a Lotso Huggin Bear. It smells like Strawberries and he has all these expressions when you press his hands, feet, and tummy. It was in the closet and ready whenever she was ready. Needless to say, she never felt she was ready and became more possessive with the binky and even stressed that it would be taken away at any moment. We almost gave up the idea of taking it away because apparently she wasn't ready. Until it all just happened, we were on the plane on our way home from Hawaii. For some reason, she only had the one in her mouth because I packed the rest in our suitcases when already boarded the plane. My intentions were to take them out and put them in my purse, but in the process of getting everything to the airport, I forgot. At the airport she had a lollipop, I got these yummy organic lollipop in Hawaii that was so good, and some how lost the one and only binky. We didn't realize this until the plane was about to take off. I wanted her to suck on it so her ears wouldn't pop. Oh crap, where is it? It's going to be a long flight, so we thought, but of course, once again she surprised us. She cried for the first ten minutes or so, I was seriously sweating. I thought it was going to be like this the whole flight. I offered her gum for the first time because I really didn't want her ears to pop. I'm sure with the current situation, that would just send her over the top. The gum did help because it was a new and cool experience. She was definitely a big girl now, chewing gum. The rest of the flight was pleasant and she didn't think about it until we landed. The opportunity arise, so we had to take it right? We told her the Binky Fairy thought she was ready and that the Binky Fairy would pick up all her binkies in Hawaii and bring Faith her gift when we got home. It was an hour drive from the airport back to our house. Faith was really excited to see Lotso, I even got it on film. However, like everything else with her, it only worked for a day. The following day, she told me to take Lotso away and sell him because she "hates" him and didn't want the Binky Fairy to take her binky yet. Surprisingly, she never asked the Binky Fairy to bring back her binky. Going to bed, staying asleep, and naps have been rough without the binky. It's partially our fault, we've cheated and been driving her a lot to help her sleep. So, it's natural for her to think that it's the only way she can settle herself down. We had to break this habit because we can't drive her every night. Needless to say, it's been a rough month, but I think we're making very small daily progress.

4. Mommy's stress, anxiety,and pain. Faith picks up on my moods very easily. I guess it's not too hard, because I'm not very good at hiding it. This vicious cycle happens every time there is a prolonged period of sleep deprivation. I do not do well when I am sleep deprived!!! I'm moody, depressed, tired, unpleasant, and the list goes on. Faith doesn't sleep well, causing me to not sleeping, causing stress, causing her to stress from my stress, which causes her not to sleep well. I don't think I've slept more than 4 straight uninterrupted hours for the past few months. The lack of sleep is creating a lot of anxiety and not allowing my body to replenish itself and ultimately making me more sensitive to my neck, shoulder, and back pain. I've also had at least 2 headaches/migraine weekly. This discomfort makes it hard for me to get to sleep and stay asleep. This is why I'm up writing this post. Woke up again around 4am. When I'm up, she doesn't sleep soundly, she senses when I'm away and wakes up calling for me. She also picks up on the tension when we're sleep and is restless. We've tried getting her out of our room again only so I can sleep better because I can't make myself comfortable when I try to lay still as not to wake her. This stillness makes me uncomfortable which ends up waking her. I've also had a lot going on this summer. I haven't given her the attention she needs and wants. There's always a change in behavior when this happens. She has been more defiant, aggressive, and whiny because of it.

Okay, so enough of that....What are we going to do about all this?
1. STOP THE CYCLE! Since, she is the kid and I'm the adult that can more easily make changes, it will start with ME! I will carve out more time for her. I will minimize, if not eliminate the stresses. I need to workout and do my exercises so my neck can heal. Thank you, Larry for all your help, sorry, I'm a terrible patient. Self care, thinking of trying out Reiki massage. Need to make another appointment with my therapist to get perspective. Need to return to my mommy group with Mika for support.

2. Increase Faith's activity. We're going to start preschool again next month so I think that will help a lot. She needs more structure that I'm not providing at the moment. I'm also thinking of signing her up for Ballet and swimming classes.

3. Improve our diet. I went thorough our kitchen last week and throw away most of the junk food. We need to be more conscientious in what we purchase. I'm sure her diet is not helping with her sensitivity. I'm too embarrassed to even mention all the crap she eats. That will change. It already is starting to change.

4. Continue to research more strategies. I've found two new great blogs for Highly Sensitive Children, Raising a Sensitive Child and Taking the Lid of the Sun. There are some great information on it. I'm still not completely comfortable with the "Indigo" and "Crystal" terminology and some of my ideas are a little new to me, but I'm staying open to it. Also, there is no room for judging, this is someones experience and all they are doing is sharing. It's up to you what you want to take away from it. This link is also great with practical parenting strategies on the Family Education website.